for my last presence writing, i want to share a piece of my recent testimony:
about a year and a half ago, i started experiencing some problems with my physical heart. it would randomly start beating very fast and pounding. i would feel short of breath and like my chest was tightening up. i went to see my doctor who did an ekg and found some abnormalities. before i could see a cardiologist, he wanted me to wear a heart monitor for 2-3 days to better assess my heart.
on wednesday at church, marc preached on remembering the word of the Lord. during the second worship set, as i’m wearing a heart monitor as a 28 year old and feeling my heart pound, my head was filled with anxious thoughts. thoughts like “how is this happening to me?”, “i have an 8 month old son, what is he going to do without a dad?”, and “what will happen to my family?”, the Lord in his kindness reminded me of a psalm that i had read that morning, to my knowledge, for the first time.
i was initially reminded of the last 3 verses of psalm 138, which says this:
[6] for though the LORD is high, he regards the lowly,
but the haughty he knows from afar.
but the haughty he knows from afar.
[7] though I walk in the midst of trouble,
you preserve my life;
you stretch out your hand against the wrath of my enemies,
and your right hand delivers me.
[8] the LORD will fulfill his purpose for me;
your steadfast love, O LORD, endures forever.
do not forsake the work of your hands.
that psalm became my prayer for the next few weeks, and my heart seemed to improve.
when i followed up with a cardiologist a month later, he looked at all my monitoring data and did another ekg, this time with no abnormalities, and gave me a clean bill of health.
i’ll never forget at the end he listened to my heart one last time, looked up at me, and said “sounds pretty straight to me.”
such relief washed over me, and the Lord in his kindness brought the first 5 verses of psalm 138 to mind:
[1] i give you thanks, O LORD, with my whole heart;
before the gods i sing your praise;
[2] i bow down toward your holy temple
and give thanks to your name for your steadfast love and your faithfulness,
for you have exalted above all things
your name and your word.
[3] on the day i called, you answered me;
my strength of soul you increased.
before the gods i sing your praise;
[2] i bow down toward your holy temple
and give thanks to your name for your steadfast love and your faithfulness,
for you have exalted above all things
your name and your word.
[3] on the day i called, you answered me;
my strength of soul you increased.
[4] all the kings of the earth shall give you thanks, O LORD,
for they have heard the words of your mouth,
[5] and they shall sing of the ways of the LORD,
for great is the glory of the LORD.
through all of that, the Lord taught me something that i’m still growing in: i/we should approach the throne of God with all of our emotions. God is bigger and more than we can ever understand, so as we approach his presence, we shouldn’t categorize our prayers.
in psalm 138, david sings praise and thankfulness to God and pleads for God’s care of him all in the same psalm.
God is so much that we can approach him with thanksgiving, pleading for help, comfort, worship him as almighty, mourn, and so much more all at once.
so, my prayer for all of us as these writings end is this: that we would continue to pursue the presence of God individually with thanksgiving and pleading, worship and in need of comfort.
help us to encounter your presence, God, and fill us with a desire for you in all aspects of our lives.
amen.
~ john sandman